Chronicles of a modern writer (Bedshaped)

The 27th of October 2009, 00.35 AM (Eastern Europe/Istanbul time zone)
(Listening to Angelica - Ananthema)
Sometimes... Sometimes, it happens to me to wake up in the middle of the night feeling a strong pressure to put some of my thoughts on paper... I`m not in my bed, nor on the keyboard. I`m on the floor, in my bedroom with my eyes wide open - this is actually a journal entry which will later become a blog post, depending on my mood.
In ancient times, there was this belief that writers and poets could only write under divine inspiration. Well - I only feel inspired, I don`t know who or what is to blame for it.
I`m lightening my paper sheet using the light from my cell phone, I don`t wanna wake up Cristine Rosalie, she drifted in peaceful dreams long time ago.
Sometimes... Sometimes, I have this feeling that I wanna see myself while I`m sleeping. But I cannot do it because while I sleep, I`m trapped inside my inner world dreaming smiles, laughters, tears...
Sometimes... Sometimes, I wanna wake up in somebody`s arms and ask him:
"Baby, is it already morning?"
And to receive such an answer:
"No, no. Get back to sleep, baby. I don`t wanna wake up... I wanna lay all day long in bed, lingering on the smell of your skin..."
And to reply with a sleepy smile instead of any audible line.
Besides, I`d have plenty of reasons to smile. One of them: because I could see his sleepy smile and stare at his lips, bearly seeing anything behind my heavy eyelids...
Another reason: because he was perfectly innocent in his attempt to lie me:
"Baby, is it already morning?" - "No, no. Get back to sleep, baby."
He was perfectly innocent with his lie, he was nothing more than a beautiful liar under the confuse light of the morning.
Sometimes... Sometimes, I have this image in my mind and I don`t wanna wake up. I order my eyes to stay shut and surprisingly, they usually obey. This is due to the fact that I don`t wanna lose his image... It is printed on the interior side of my eyelids and if I open my eyes... I have the fear that my colourful tale will slowly fade to grey.
My pillows, my sheets, my bed itself... It seems that - in spite of the fact that love always tends to fade away, many moments of pure happiness are bedshaped :)
Because while we`re in bed... I can touch his lips with my finger tips, I can touch his eyelids with my lips... I can play in his dark long hair with my sleepy fingers...
"Good morning, baby. It`s time for us to have a cup of tea :)"
And there`s this lovely scent of warm jasmine tea coming from another room...

"(...) I could remember anything, whether it happened or not." (M.B.)

I guess i just remembered this story, whether it has actually happened or not...
:)

(My last line on this post:
I can`t figure it out... Whose voice is it on this blog entry... Is it the child inside me - who likes to smile while playing - or the woman inside - who likes to dare while smiling?)

My basics

She was about my age in these photos.

In the middle of nowhere!

Typing from Forte Net Cafe, Constanta, Romania
Yes, this truly means I have problems with my internet connection again but I`m sure that is nothing new to you, I`m always like a tresspasser, I never settle down to a specific place in space. So, if you try to seek me somewhere, you may find me not. Keep trying.
I`m always in a rush and one day, within these days, I said to myself that I must write some new entries on my blog, as I felt it so many many times. Only that I couldn`t do it, I`ve been running from a place to another - and that is what they call "following your interest/s". Maybe I was the one who did it literally, who knows!
And shame on me, I`ve negleted those things which I like most, such a pity! :( So I`m actually planning to go back to photos, words and books, I`m currently re-reading "Also Sprach Zarathustra" and YES, from time to time, I still stop in the middle of the street, in the middle of nowhere to hug a homeless cat and to smile while enjoying the feeling of touching its fur. Do you do this too? :)
Life tastes bitter, doesn`t it? It has been raining for days in here. It`s all wet. The pavement looks grey and sad, sad, sad. Truly madly deeply sad. People start to feel the spleen, they act like something`s pressuring them all the time. I personally think this really affects their relationships, of any kind.
Let`s blame the rain for this issue, shall we...
I have no further words to be added on this entry/post.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind by Michel Gondry

Edgar Allan Poe - A Dream Within a Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep - while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

The Rolling Stones - Anybody Seen My Baby

The Rolling Stones - Angie

Selfportrait (unedited!)

Sans dire un mot...

...Je ne sais pas ou aller
Pour tomber sur tes pas

Je ne sais pas deviner
A quoi ressemble ta voix

Je ne sais pas quoi toucher
Pour tomber sur tes doigts
Au mieux il nous arrive de poser
Nos mains au même endroit

Je ne sais pas ou chercher
Mais j’ai compris parfois
Que j’aurais du regarder devant moi...

Falltime (Scraps of people and places)

If you don`t believe me when I tell you that leaves do have feelings, why don`t you go ask them?

Seeking for some fur during night time

Shots I